Ironically, it was a sunny day and the birds were singing. One of the first days of spring that it was not raining. Myron Hallington walked out of his house into the unusually smog-free day. Myron was a little stressed. He had been cooped up in his house ‘hibernating’ and watching television all winter. He had a lot of pent up misspent anxious energy to dispose of. Thus, Myron decided to dig a hole. His original plan was to dig a hole to bury things in—his television, his couch for starters—later possibly himself. Myron started digging. He liked digging. As the hole got bigger, Myron was struck by the strange intoxication of the musty, coolness of the earth. He kept digging and started staying in hole as much as he could. For easier access, Myron dug the hole on a slant so it eventually became more of a tunnel. He also began reinforcing the tunnel so it did not collapse on him. He began to eat soil instead of climbing out of the tunnel to find food. He really could not afford food anyway. He had been employed for many months and this had afforded his winter hibernation.
A certain depth, Myron began to discover that there were other tunnels under the earth. Some of them were natural, but surprisingly, there was an entire community of subterranean hole digging folks living amongst these tunnels. Even more surprising was the fact that these people were working together to dig a tunnel that would connect The American Midwest and an undisclosed area in the Middle East. This tunnel was later to be fitted with a device, which was a combination subway/elevator to carry passengers between these two destinations. They had planned it so it did not go through the centre of the earth and theoretically avoided the many logistical problems that would cause. The plan was to sell this tunnel for a large sum of money and thus a myriad of unemployed subterranean hole diggers could become idle rich subterranean folks. Some of their dreams were filled with hopes of business commuters using this tunnel. Other imagined transporting oil through it and thus minimising the risk of oceanic oil spills. Some thought it would be sold to military interests.
Myron thought this seemed like the best thing he had going on right at that moment so he started helping them work on this project. Comparative to the people working on the tunnel, the tunnel was actually quite professionally and safely constructed. Much of the material necessary for reinforcing the tunnel was readily available in underground rock and mineral deposits. For the first time in his life, Myron actually had an interest in interacting with other human beings: perhaps one would call it common ground. They all worked on the tunnel pretty much constantly. They ate very little and slept even less. The determination was inspiring even if it was for a goal that all in all had some questionable capitalist ends. Without the light of the sun to mark the passage of time it is difficult for anyone who was there to say how long the construction of this tunnel actually took.
The builders being subterranean, the tunnel was started from deep within the earth instead of at the ends. Affects of gravity had been considered in as much as estimates showed that if one entered the tunnel they would fall for the first half of the way and have to climb the second half. However, these effects were supposedly avoided by the slant of the tunnel. This was not to be.
As the tunnel neared completion the earth began to shake violently. Later reports suggest one of the most massive earthquakes in history. The tectonic plate on which the Western coast of North America sits slid into the ocean and under the prairies of the Midwest. This pushed the Appalachians back up in the sky, higher than they had ever been. The prairies that no longer had mountains to keep ocean of them flooded deeply as far Eastwards as the Great Lakes. In the Middle East, the oil sank deeper into the earth never to be found by greedy human with dirty hands again. Tidal waves left a multitude of lakes and river where there had once been the dry arid land of the desert. Many Pacific Islands now stood much further out of the water than they ever imagined possible. Even Atlantis had a chance to dry out. Worldwide there was transformation as water and land changed places.
Miraculously (and as a testament to their craftsmanship) the subterranean tunnel digger were completely unharmed, although well shaken. The tunnel has undergone some transfiguring as well and both ends were now open. Gravity had caused the effect of making a clear straight tunnel lined with solidified volcanic rock running from the New Appalachians to the lowland plains somewhere near where the peak of Everest used to be.
However, the weather on earth had become completely unpredictable. Even the right-wingers recognised the climate change this time. The whole Earth was wobbling on a weird angle. Physics wanted the tunnel to be the axis but centrifugal force would not let the axis change that much. This went on for what seemed like years but the recollection of time is questionable as the Earth spun three hundred and sixty five times in what clock-time estimated as a few minutes. Eventually, the Earth crashed in to the moon and sent it flying into the sun. Details after that are a little sketchy because after that Myron Hallington woke up from his long winter ‘hibernation’ and went outside to dig a hole.
A certain depth, Myron began to discover that there were other tunnels under the earth. Some of them were natural, but surprisingly, there was an entire community of subterranean hole digging folks living amongst these tunnels. Even more surprising was the fact that these people were working together to dig a tunnel that would connect The American Midwest and an undisclosed area in the Middle East. This tunnel was later to be fitted with a device, which was a combination subway/elevator to carry passengers between these two destinations. They had planned it so it did not go through the centre of the earth and theoretically avoided the many logistical problems that would cause. The plan was to sell this tunnel for a large sum of money and thus a myriad of unemployed subterranean hole diggers could become idle rich subterranean folks. Some of their dreams were filled with hopes of business commuters using this tunnel. Other imagined transporting oil through it and thus minimising the risk of oceanic oil spills. Some thought it would be sold to military interests.
Myron thought this seemed like the best thing he had going on right at that moment so he started helping them work on this project. Comparative to the people working on the tunnel, the tunnel was actually quite professionally and safely constructed. Much of the material necessary for reinforcing the tunnel was readily available in underground rock and mineral deposits. For the first time in his life, Myron actually had an interest in interacting with other human beings: perhaps one would call it common ground. They all worked on the tunnel pretty much constantly. They ate very little and slept even less. The determination was inspiring even if it was for a goal that all in all had some questionable capitalist ends. Without the light of the sun to mark the passage of time it is difficult for anyone who was there to say how long the construction of this tunnel actually took.
The builders being subterranean, the tunnel was started from deep within the earth instead of at the ends. Affects of gravity had been considered in as much as estimates showed that if one entered the tunnel they would fall for the first half of the way and have to climb the second half. However, these effects were supposedly avoided by the slant of the tunnel. This was not to be.
As the tunnel neared completion the earth began to shake violently. Later reports suggest one of the most massive earthquakes in history. The tectonic plate on which the Western coast of North America sits slid into the ocean and under the prairies of the Midwest. This pushed the Appalachians back up in the sky, higher than they had ever been. The prairies that no longer had mountains to keep ocean of them flooded deeply as far Eastwards as the Great Lakes. In the Middle East, the oil sank deeper into the earth never to be found by greedy human with dirty hands again. Tidal waves left a multitude of lakes and river where there had once been the dry arid land of the desert. Many Pacific Islands now stood much further out of the water than they ever imagined possible. Even Atlantis had a chance to dry out. Worldwide there was transformation as water and land changed places.
Miraculously (and as a testament to their craftsmanship) the subterranean tunnel digger were completely unharmed, although well shaken. The tunnel has undergone some transfiguring as well and both ends were now open. Gravity had caused the effect of making a clear straight tunnel lined with solidified volcanic rock running from the New Appalachians to the lowland plains somewhere near where the peak of Everest used to be.
However, the weather on earth had become completely unpredictable. Even the right-wingers recognised the climate change this time. The whole Earth was wobbling on a weird angle. Physics wanted the tunnel to be the axis but centrifugal force would not let the axis change that much. This went on for what seemed like years but the recollection of time is questionable as the Earth spun three hundred and sixty five times in what clock-time estimated as a few minutes. Eventually, the Earth crashed in to the moon and sent it flying into the sun. Details after that are a little sketchy because after that Myron Hallington woke up from his long winter ‘hibernation’ and went outside to dig a hole.
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